We are all in this together

On Sunday someone close to us (the girlfriend -soon to be fiance- of Brad’s son) unexpectedly lost her mother who was around our age. It brings home the preciousness of each day. While I don’t have anything new to say about grief, I wanted to write something. Some of the things already said about grief, are worth repeating.

When people used to ask me about my clientele in my private practice, I would usually say that I worked with adults dealing with depression, anxiety, and/or grief. It seemed that many people who sought out psychotherapy were grappling with death or loss of some kind. Sometimes it was a break-up and many times it was a death. I was taught not to compare pain, that you can’t say someone’s pain is worse than someone else’s, because who are we to judge. However, it did seem like there were some categories of loss that were harder to navigate. For example, losing a child is an extremely difficult loss to grieve. It’s very primal. Other categories that pop into my mind as being especially difficult are unexpected deaths, suicides, and parents. Our relationships with our parents are very primal too, maybe particularly with our mothers. I used to say that losing a parent is its own phenomenon, that you can’t really imagine what it’s going to feel like until it happens. There’s something about being orphaned and then seeing your own mortality on a new level.

So our loved-one losing her mother unexpectedly at a relatively young age has our hearts broken. In unrelated but inadvertently connected news, I took a tumble the other day and thought I just hurt some deep muscles on my side but now am wondering if maybe I cracked a rib. It’s only connected in that I’m dealing with a fair amount of pain which seems to make everything more difficult and I feel more sensitive (like I could yell or cry at the drop of a hat) and I’m more tired. I so badly want to help take the pain away for her but I know that I really can’t but I can offer love and support and help her through the grief journey. I’m so glad they’re coming over for dinner tonight. I’m sure there will be a fair amount of tears. I want to give her a big hug and nourishing food and maybe that’s all we’ll do but it feels important. We need each other in these times. Just “being” together feels better than words right now…although some words can soothe and aide too…

A few other posts on grief. The first one is a poem.

Grief is a Journey That Knows its Way

Collective Grief

My Mother’s Passing